Today I am motivated to lose weight and get in shape. I have struggled for many years with following through with things that I start. I feel cursed. Yet, I can see now that my beliefs are the ones that are keeping me stuck. I feel anxiety when I reach a point of real change. I fight against it and feel like I am losing control of my life. Then I sabotage my efforts, cause at least I can control how and what I sabotage. I feel powerful and validated again. Then I go back to my hiding spot in my head and defend my dysfunction. I do this over and over and over... I feel stuck. I really do want out. Everyone wants to believe they have the answer for me... if I give them some money they will help me break free from these chains. But they will not help me break free from my own self-sabotage. They will not put forth the effort to hold my hand through self-destruction. I throw my money to the wind. Again.